on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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