I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
