Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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