if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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