i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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