im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
