They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
