i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
