Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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