Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
