I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
