So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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