Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
