when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
