I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize