Sponge bath it is.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
