btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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