Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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