She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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