JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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