walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The uberlube is also flammable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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