Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
