At least make sure they are 18
Why
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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