Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
