do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize