The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
