So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
