I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
