I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
