yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
