My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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