Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
