I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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