is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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