I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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