Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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