I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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