So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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