i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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