I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
