how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
me + whiskey = a bad person
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
