We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
