maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
