I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want to walk on stilts...naked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
