i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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