were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
