i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
