If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
