you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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