apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
