this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
