I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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