I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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