dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize