i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
