He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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