you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
