READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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