you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
