Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
