It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
