'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
