wanna go halves on a baby?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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