I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
