I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
