Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize