Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
