I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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