It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
