he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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