we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
