so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize