i just google imaged poop.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
