You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think people are normalizing furries
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
