so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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