$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
